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I have the privilege of serving on the board of directors for Family Promise of Knoxville. Our organization is small but mighty, with the lofty goal of keeping families with children from experiencing homelessness. And, should something happen that causes a family to be without a place to live, the organization has a network of connections to provide emergency shelter, as well as services to help families get back to a point where they are self-sustaining. It needs to be said that homelessness isn’t always because of addiction, mental illness or poor choices. In fact, it can happen to any of us at any time.
Take the homeowners and renters who lost everything in Hurricane Helene, for instance.
As a board member, I decided to attend the Family Promise National Conference, and have just finished two full days of sharing best practices and learning from experts and peers across the country. I made it a point to attend the session about housing loss and the grief associated with such loss so that I better understand my own customers and clients who come to me for help, whether that be through Family Promise, or whether that be through the more traditional real estate route.
What I learned is that some homeowners are empowered to grieve over loss of their home, and some are denied this right due to social stigmatization. Losses such as we’ve seen in our more immediate area including the eastern part of Tennessee and western North Carolina are sudden, unexpected losses that will profoundly affect these homeowners or renters for the rest of their lives financially, physically and emotionally. And currently, they are in crisis mode, trying to figure out what will happen today and tomorrow, and that is as far as they are able to plan due to the chaos around them.
Eventually, the emergency of the situation will fade, and they will be able to make a plan for what happens the rest of the year and for the years to come. There is a window of time, likely well into the future if not forever, when grief for this type of housing loss is not only allowed but given a place to occur and shared among the communities that are currently rushing in to offer help.
Then there is the type of loss that occurs when one loses their shelter because they just can’t make ends meet. Or the car needed an unexpected repair and they couldn’t afford rent or the mortgage, or there was a job loss that caused financial hardships. Those experiencing homelessness due to these types of situations are often not given the liberty to grieve, as this is sometimes labeled as “self-inflicted” or “avoidable.” Those studying the effects of housing loss, especially experienced among children, call this disenfranchised grief, or denial of the right to grieve.
Regardless of the reason someone is without housing, the grief can be as strong as the loss of a beloved family member or friend. And if the loss is due to personal circumstances, grief is paired with guilt. There can be fear of the situation repeating itself which makes it hard for anyone, regardless of the cause, to be able to move forward.
So, this column is really directed to my fellow real estate colleagues, with a request to remember that we need to meet people where they are. And to understand that some of those seeking our help may cope differently than others, and that patience, guidance, and clarity is a non-negotiable when working with those who have experienced housing loss.
Our area experienced the migration of many people to our area after hurricane Katrina. It’s possible that Helene will also send people our way. That remains to be seen. Should that happen, it is my hope that our community will welcome them, allow them to grieve, and to give them stability to move past that grief.
*This article was reprinted with permission from the Knoxville News Sentinel in October 2024.
